12.14.2004

The Second Child?? (also: Big Dump)

Let's just settle this once and for all, for everyone out there who hasn't yet asked us:
Question: "When are you having another one?"
Answer: "WE DON'T KNOW."

Sorry about the caps, friends. I don't believe in screaming at people in person but somehow screaming this phrase online seems not only acceptable, but refreshingly appropriate.

Buddy Boo is six and a half months old. He is our first child. Perhaps he will be our only child, but we've hardly had the chance to breathe before the first person asked us the dreaded Second Child question. It has been asked at least 5 billion times since then (ok, a little exaggeration).

For some parents, this is an easy question to answer. They've always known they wanted two or three kids. Or rather, shall I say, the mother has always known. There are a few fathers out there whom I've met that have known they wanted a large family before they even met their wives, but for the most part, many of these fathers miraculously discover they want more kids after their wives divulge their dreams of their own mini-Brady Bunch. Just my general observation. Not saying this is true for everyone.

For some parents, they know that they want their children to be close in age, so they start trying again soon after the first is born. This is the case of my friend who lives about 3,000 miles away in (a much sunnier) Miami. Her baby boy is just about 10 months old and they intend to start trying for #2 next month. It surprised me to hear this, but good for her, I say.

Some of my friends don't want to wait too long to start trying for #2 because they are already in their mid-30's, or have hit 40, and they don't want to have a child later than the age of _____ (fill in the blank; it's different for everybody).

For us, we've always known we wanted a child. One. Uno. Singular, not plural. Beyond that, we've discussed discussing more children after we made it through the first one.

Side note #1: ok, I have to interrupt by saying that Boo, right now, while playing joyfully on his own on his playmat next to me, just took the biggest squishiest dump I have ever heard. I have yet to see it, but it sounded like the Mother of All Dumps. It's so funny how hard he concentrates and then he just goes back to playing like nothing happened. Perhaps I should stop typing and tend to my little baby's dirty bottom...

Side note #2: I'm back, and I think poor Boo has diarrhea. It was an interesting fairly wet mess that outwitted two diapers (as least I had put another diaper down when he decided to continue. We've not been so lucky before).

So A and I are going to discuss whether or not #2 (child, not in reference to the side notes above!) will or will not happen. I'd like to consider this around Boo's first birthday because it seems too much to think about right now. For us, a baby is
a lot of work. We love our baby boy immensely. We want to make sure we give him the tools to have a good heart, to make good choices, to live a good life. What we need to decide is whether or not we are capable of providing the same for another child.

This is really about whether or not it is practical for us to have a second child. A and I are practical people. We don't want a second child just because we think that Boo needs a playfriend. He's learning to socialize just fine without an in-house brother or sister right now. We don't want more children just to have "help" around the house. That's sick, IMO. We don't want more children just to carry on the family name. We need to do it for the right reasons for us. Kudos to those of you who made the decision to have more children quite easily. For us, right now, we're just not there.

A and I are content right now with Child #1. We are enjoying every single second of parenting one child. Perhaps down the road we'll decide we want/need another child in our lives, and that we are physically, mentally, emotionally and fiscally capable of having another child. Again, we're just not there yet.

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