4.06.2005

Nostalgia

Tonight we said the real goodbye to our old house. The one where you leave your set of keys in the house, and drive away with one hand nostalgically touching the window pane. I was surprised by how sentimental I felt about saying goodbye for real. We would never again set foot in that house. Ou dr first house. The house in which we brought home our newborn son. The house in which we raised a hyper little puppy into a somewhat less hyper bigger puppy. The house in which we have celebrated many happy occasions and shared many struggles. Our house. It felt so big and vacuous and warm and embracing and no longer ours. I walked through the rooms one by one remembering…this is where we ripped up the shag carpets and put in new floors…this is where we laughed and painted Boo’s room as we talked about how crazy it was that we were having a child… this is where we lived and played and laughed. This was goodbye for real.

We took a walk tonight around the new hood. I love taking walks in our new neighborhood. It’s so quiet and open and safe and happy. It’s beautiful. As we walk down the hills on our way back to our new home, we can watch the sun set over green mountains and beautiful land that is still, for now, untouched. There are few cars driving around to worry about, and a nice amount of neighbors out walking or working on their yards to say hello to.

Boo, who slept 11 hours a night when we first moved into the new home, suddenly decides that going to sleep is not for him. He wants to crawl, to pull his books off his shelf, to cruise along his crib. He sees his crib as one big challenge that he must climb. Once he falls asleep he sleeps straight through, for the most part, but getting him to sleep the past two nights has been a challenge. A minute after we lay him on his back to sleep, he rolls right over and grabs for the crib bars to start pulling himself up. His legs fall through, he gets so frustrated because he is so sleepy but he doesn’t want to sleep. It’s really quite sweet and sad at the same time. I am so proud of him for trying to accomplish so much, but I also know he needs to sleep! Poor guy. There are so many new things to learn and practice.

Boo is so grown up now. He’s got a mind of his own and he’s not afraid to let the world know. He still loves to vocalize and tonight said his first string of words: "Papa and mama." He said it a couple of times tonight while looking at us and he was so proud. As of course, we were.

There was a baby on TV tonight, and I wondered where mine went. He seemed to grow up too quickly.

Nostalgia has definitely consumed me tonight. A new home. An everchanging baby. I thrive on change, but I’ve never in my life had to go through so many changes in such a short amount of time. I feel like I can’t keep up and I really want to. I want to be able to savor each new change before the next occurs, and with Boo I feel like there isn’t enough time to. I, too, want to stay awake all the time now. I don’t want to sleep, I don’t want to close my eyes for a minute, because I don’t want to miss anything, all of these wonderful, beautiful changes in Boo. I wish we could both stay awake all the time to just stare and smile in awe together.

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