6.06.2005

Mommy Bliss

There are days when you wonder why you even bothered rolling out of bed, and there are days when you want to grab everyone you love and squeeze them hard and smother them with kisses and tell them how much you love them and mess up their hair. Today started out as the first kind of day, and then slowly revealed itself to be the latter.

I love being a mommy. I LOVE it. It is hands down the hardest thing in the whole world and it challenges me like no other life experience I have ever had or imagine ever will have. It forces me to look in the mirror and own up to the person I am. Being a mom, you have no excuses - you are the mom, the teacher, the disciplinarian, the friend, the role model and mentor. If you are not true to yourself, I believe it is harder to be the best mom you can be. If you are not true to yourself, you are cheating your child of understanding the honesty, humility, the rawness that inevitably comes with being a simple human being. The truth is we are all fallible. We all have flaws and scars and triggers. Our job is to be able to own up to them and then try to turn any negative into positive.

Boo has seen me screw up many a time, and with each day, I believe he begins to understand my words and actions more and more. He has heard me curse too often, get mad at other drivers, be abrupt with the poor high school kid behind the counter who was rude, yes, but probably had no idea what he said was rude. He has seen me eat one too many fast food items and chocolate products. He observes every action with super spidey sense, even when I think he's not watching me or I think he can't hear me. He absorbs. He mimics (boy does he like to mimic). He dances (we danced a lot tonight to the tunes from his new train). He smiles.

In the end, Boo always smiles. No matter what I do or what I say, his chubby little cheeks get even chubbier as the corners of his mouth twist up and reveal four big teeth smiling back at me. No matter what. Even when I've had the shittiest day or just encountered some horrible new obstacle in life, his smile is there waiting for me. His arms are always ready to hug, and his eyes prepared to light up. It is this reinforcement that reminds me that as long as I do what I believe is right most of the time, and I am true to who I am as an individual, Boo will love me no matter what.

THAT is considered bliss to this mommy, who happens to really really love being a mommy. Loves it, loves it, loves it more than all the chocolate in the world... and that's saying something!

0 comments: