9.02.2005

It took me a long time to get to me, but here I am (warning: long gushing self-absorbed post)

I haven't been in blog mode this week because I have been inundated with work. It has been lovely and invigorating and maddening all at the same time. I am wiped out, but I am walking around in a blissful haze of "this is it - this is the life I was meant to lead."

It has been a mere month since I quit my FT job and ventured off to start my own businesses, and yet I feel like I have lived so much more in this month than I did during the last six months of my previous employment. If every month is like this, I can't believe I didn't do this sooner. Like 10 years ago.

I have connected with some of the most amazing, beautiful, inspiring people I have ever met in my life these past few weeks. Moms who have such passion for their personal and professional pursuits, and who are more supportive than I ever believed colleagues could be. Artists who dare to share their souls with the world and test their talents. People who really care about the earth, how we live and treat ourselves and others. People who live the life they believe they were born to live, and do so with majestic gusto.

These are the people whose words and smiles now keep me going and striving for my own personal pursuits each and every day. These are the people who understand why I am doing what I am doing, and how it can make me the happiest it has made me thus far. These are people who make my work more of a pleasurable playtime instead of hours of dreaded drudgery. Sure I have moments of panic, sometimes I forget to breathe when I think about what I have taken on--the "what am I doing and who thought it was a good idea for me to do this?" stopped-breathing moments. Had one of those yesterday in fact. But I know now, this is me. This is who I am supposed to be right now. This is the me I've been searching for the past couple of years.

And I am so lucky to be in this utopic moment with my son and my incredible husband. Being able to spend so much time with Boo every day is the absolute greatest gift I have ever received in my entire life. This age, this highly developmental age of his, is truly my favorite so far. The newborn phase was amazingly fun and priceless, but this is the right time for me to be working from home with him. I know I can do more work once he goes to school, but I am glad I did not wait that long to do my own thing. Boo right now is growing into full toddlerhood, a little boy, and getting to know him as a little human being who responds and talks back (not in a bad way - yet!) and laughs and tries to make me laugh...I am in awe every waking moment of how perfect he is, and how lucky I am.

I always wondered how SAHMs did it. How did their families survive on one income? Now I get it: you can survive on whatever you have because you just have to. You make some adjustments in order to live the life you want to live. It's not easy for us, on my husband's income alone right now, but we're doing fine. I've even thought about taking a PT retail job just for fun! I always loved working retail and interacting with customers on that level and helping others find their consumer happiness. I don't know when I would find the time to fit it in, but that's the other thing I've learned - there is always time to fit in everything you really want to do. I'm learning to cut the fat out, so to speak, and focus on my personal pursuits, my family and my friends.

Some people ask me what my goals are for my business. I used to have a pat answer that made people nod and give me the "good answer" smile. Now I just tell them I have no goals other than to always believe in what I am doing. I don't care if my companies grow to include other employees or if I make a ton of money. I don't want to land corporate clients or have to care about what people think of my attire or hairstyle. I just want to do good things and work with good people. If I continue down this path, I believe things will work out the way they are supposed to.

Now what is holding you back from getting to this place of euphoric inner happiness? Nothing! Now go get happy! I can't be the only one sounding like a gushing ridiculous smiley idiot online :) Ugh, I must sound like an idiot. It's late. Blame it on that.

2 comments:

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Beanhead said...

Wow great post glad you are so happy working from home.

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