F*#! it

Like my title? Thought that would catch your attention. I need to blog about the issue that eats me up at night with indecisiveness and back and forth and procrastination...childcare. We were very fortunate to have my brother's girlfriend be Boo's live-out nanny since I had to go back to work after three months. Since I was allowed to work from home twice a week (sometimes once), she would watch him at our place from about 7:30 am until about 6pm on the full days and about 10am until about 3pm on the days I worked from home. Since quitting my corporate job she has been nice enough to work whatever days and hours I needed so I could get work done for my new businesses and go to meetings, usually around 6-10 hours a week. Not a lot, but it helps so much.

Well, she's pregnant and due any day now. And I have yet to find temporary childcare. I look almost every day, and have visited one center, but have yet to make any headway. The center scared me. Yes, it's all fine and good and a couple of kids who went there are now teachers there (really, it's a nice place where both teachers and kids stay and seem happy), but it didn't feel right, you know? And I hate to say it, but there are some crazy, unstable, unqualified people out there that are trying to get part-time nanny jobs. Sadly, they frighten me away from the good ones that do exist.

I suck at this. Mostly because I really don't want to be doing it. I just want Mary Poppins to arrive and magically take care of things. Or rather, I would love to BE Mary Poppins and be able to run two full-time businesses AND take care of my almost 17-month-old son all at the same time without any help. That's not going to happen, but the guilty mother in me secretly is trying with all her might to fight it. This is what keeps me up at night and plagues me throughout the day as I plug away on my computer or as Boo and I explore new places in the city. I want to do it all, and I can't. It's not fair to my business clients and it's not fair to Boo.

Our friends and family all say "oh, you know your mother would quit her job and watch Boo if she could." Uh no, folks, she wouldn't. My mother is a workaholic who has notified my dad that she doesn't plan on retiring until she's 70. I would like to retire at 50, thank you very much.

Why is this so stressful? It is the stress of finding temporary, part-time childcare that caused the title of today's post.

Countdown to arrival of the in-laws. They will be the shining light to avert my attention away from this stress source!


CuShMaN said...

Fun stuff People email me: Top 17 Fatal Things to Say If Your Wife is Pregnant

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betty said...

Well, if you're like me, the whole stress was making sure that the childcare would be a good, safe, loving, and stimulating choice for my child's particular personality and temperament so that they would continue to thrive and be happy there. Very, very stressful.

I'm in the process of finding babysitters who will occasionally babysit for us, and I'm beginning to feel the same stress level again. So far, I've contacted 3 people without any success so far. So, my search continues.

I'm probably going to ask some of my DS's preschool teachers if they do any babysitting on the side. I already asked one last week, and she said that she does, but she can't take on any more families right now as she already has a pretty full schdule already.

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Star said...

I still remember being awake nights worrying about child care arrangements. And my youngest is 27. Thanks for visiting when I was Michele's site of the day.

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Kirsten said...

ahhh girl, I am so sorry! Believe me I am so with you on this! That it exactly why I couldn't cope with working and putting her in a baby factory somewhere in the wilds of portland. It seemed like they were either cold, souless places for the sanitary creation of future intel workers (there were babies with GEL in their hair!) or filthy dens of organic food where no one wore shoes.

My mother also has no interest in raising my child (I can't imagine why!;) so that leaves me at home with her retired godfather in Sellwood that really loves taking care of her one day a week.

I wish there were a better solution!

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