11.28.2005

The Too Much Girl

I've always tried to do too much all at the same time, and I think my mommy hormones and instinct have kicked into super crazy gear this year because all of a sudden I feel like Supergirl and have this random sense of "Hell yeah, I CAN do anything!" even though in reality, I can do MOST of what I think I can do is more like it. The holiday season, I think, shifts me into the highest crazy let's-overdo-it gear possible. Lately, I've been trying to figure out why I want to do so much. I can't just sit. I can't just chill out. I always want to be doing more and my mind won't stop thinking of new and exciting things to do. The worst part is, once I get it in my head that I really want to do something, I will go after it like mad and won't rest until it's done.

The fact that I need to slow down really dawned on me this weekend. I was going to host a DeMarle party (the makers of Silpat, that amazing chef's invention that I cannot live without). Now that I live in the burbs I feel like it's my duty to host one of these damn silly old-lady parties, plus, I really love their products and a brunch party with mimosas always sounds good to me. I was mentioning it in the car when suddenly my normally mild-mannered, supportive husband interrupts me and says "Why are you doing this? Why do you have to take on so many projects all the time? You already have too much going on." I mumbled something about how it was really something I wanted to do... but was it? Do I NEED to do it? More importantly, I'm starting to wonder WHY I have this overwhelming urge to WANT to do everything, and to do everything a million and ten percent.

I blame my parents partly for hardwiring this inane personality flaw. When I was sent to Hawaii for work a few years ago, my coworkers just laughed at me because I got bored within five minutes of laying on the beach and had to DO something. I can't just sit back and allow what I have created with my businesses to grow, I decide out of the blue that oh hey, wouldn't it be fun to create a whole new line of stationery to market to retailers? How cool would that be? So that thought happened about a week ago, and here I sit, staring at a whole new line of stationery that I created over the week. I'm actually pretty psyched about it. But that defeats the point of this very long rambling post, in which I am trying to decipher the code to the manic inner workings of my brain.

Maybe it's because when I am with Boo, I do slow down. He makes me stop and listen and pause. And enjoy. My son has taught me to enjoy the moment, which I don't think I was ever really able to do before he was born, in all honesty. When he is nearby and not napping or having some quiet solo playtime, he is my world and all else slows down just for him. How does he do that? Even as I write this, I find my fingers slowing to type at a less-manic pace.

Maybe I'm not Supergirl; maybe my son is the real superhero. Having a child really does force you to be outside of yourself and exist for someone else. Yes, I focus on my husband too, but you moms understand the difference, right? Kids have this weird power, and I, for one, am thankful for it. Maybe it's the time I spend with Boo that energizes me and fuels me up for another round of crazy, excited, Gotta Do ideas. At least maybe now there's some balance. I CAN and I CAN'T do everything, all at the same time. Weird.

Sorry about the long rambling freeform thinking post. But I, for one, feel much calmer now than I did at the beginning of this post :)

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