3.30.2006

Getting through

When something terrible happens, I am never sure quite what to do or how to act. It is as if everyone around you has a time frame for how long they think it should take you to deal with a situation and you are supposed to live in that time frame. But I can't. Everything is fluid. I'm up and I'm down. My husband and I took a day off of work and then got back into the swing of things, or at least tried to. I am still trying to. I go through bouts of manic happiness and then swing around to minutes of staring into emptiness and suddenly feeling the urge to bawl my eyes out. I thought I would blog about it, but then yesterday I felt A-OK and thought it would be silly to trouble the rest of the world with my pain. But today. Then there's today. Today is grey and cold and empty. Today I have a meeting and a hectic afternoon of running around and I am afraid that I won't be able to do it, any of it. So here I sit. Typing away. Trying to find some solace in this cryptic message to strangers. Writing has always helped. It is my therapy. But it's not helping me today.

Someday I will write about the unspeakable sadness in detail because I really do think it needs to be written about, talked about, shared and understood.

But today. Today you get a cryptic message from a woman who is just trying to get through the day without crying. Today you just get me, raw, exposed, but still private. I'm sure tomorrow I will blog about the randomness of daily life, like Boo's new love of Cookie Monster or my sudden obsession to clean everything in the house. But this is today. I'm just trying to get through.

12 comments:

Cityslicker Mom said...

((hugs))I'm so sorry, I hope you get through it, whatever it is. I miss reading your posts!

Stumble It!
Nicole said...

I'm not sure what to say, but hope you make it through. I'll keep you in my thoughts.

Stumble It!
Kirsten said...

Sending you big hugs. Stay strong. Thinking of you today

Stumble It!
oMama said...

i feel for you. i send you many hugs, much e-love, and tons of faith. write when you are ready. until then, keep the faith, know that you're surrounded by people who care deeply, namely your hubby & Boo. in the periphery, we are here too. the pain will never go away completely, but you will absorb it and you become it. it will become a part of you, the stronger you.

Stumble It!
Mama Muse said...

Those times are so startling and difficult. You sound like you are just feeling your feelings and letting yourself cry. That is all you can do for now. I am so sorry that is is hard. Hearty hugs through the blogsphere to you and your family.

Stumble It!
M said...

You're in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.

Stumble It!
Andy said...

I'm not good at advice, but I'm hoping today is a better day.

Stumble It!
~Cathy~ said...

Sending some ((((Hugs)))) your way...

Stumble It!
M said...

Hang in there. In case you need some comic relief, check out the funny mama blog, Woulda Coulda. I know it won't relieve the tough situation you're facing, but it might make a few minutes skip by a little more easily. This blog is my salvation on hard days.

http://www.wouldashoulda.com/archives/2006/03/how_to_be_sick.html

Stumble It!
Stephanie said...

We all have days just like these. Just remember that today might be hard, but there is the potential for a truly great tomorrow.

Stumble It!
J's Mommy said...

You're in my prayers. Chin up mama!!

Stumble It!
chichimama said...

Hang in there, we will be there for you when you need us. Hugs.

Stumble It!