this is my time

it's 1:12 am on another saturday night. the house is asleep save a little light in the living room, the television with another random sappy movie (tonight it's the lake house). oh, and me. wide awake. giddy with the anticipation of life that is to come tomorrow, the next day, the next week, the next month.

i love my sleep, but i love my awake life more than my asleep life. i've never needed much sleep, but after having kids, need much more. yet i rarely get a full 6 or 7 hours, and i can't even blame the kids. the kids are great sleepers (took my son a while --very rough first two years, oy vey --but he's there now).

sometimes it's insomnia. i really want to sleep but i just can't. and the harder i try, the more awake i am.

but sometimes it's this. what i feel tonight. this comfy cozy bliss of being wrapped up in a blanket on the couch in the semi-dark of our living room, alone with my thoughts. i love this. as parents, as business owners, as people who like to do things and have to do a lot of things, sleep can be easy to come by, but how much harder it seems to achieve this: the solitude, the peace of being surrounded by this lovely life and the time to actually sit back and soak it in. to reflect. to remember. to love and enjoy it fully with every molecule of my body and every particle of my soul.

i relish this. sometimes i will sit with the cheesy movie of the night on in the background for just a few minutes, sometimes for a few hours, but during these near-silent early morning moments time stands still. life pauses, and smiles. the voices that peck at me during the day, the obligations that tug at my sleeve -- all fall silent as they oh so kindly take a seat beside me and wait patiently for me to start the clock again. its as if they understand. they know i will be there for them in the morning. but this time, this place, this moment... this, is for me.


Kelly said...

I love that when you're up, cozy and quiet, you can pretty much not-rest assured that I'm up, cozy and quiet, in my corner of the world, being awake and loving it too. From one wide-awake and aware friend to another, sweet dreams!

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