"Screamed at the make-believe,
screamed at the sky
and you finally found
all the courage to let it all go"
Pictures of You by The Cure was her favorite song. At least, it was the last time we spoke. When I was in high school, that song used to make me all angsty about boys and sometimes it still does but for the most part, it now makes me think of her. It was playing on the radio when I got into the car this morning after dropping my kids off at school and BOOM. Tears.
I miss her.
My friend that was taken away from us way too young, way too fast. I didn't even have the chance to tell her how much she meant to me all those years. I honestly don't think she ever knew what a bright star she was. How even though we lived in different cities and only talked on the phone and wrote letters every few months or so, and only saw each other maybe once a year at most, she meant a lot to me. I looked up to her, admired her, wished so often I was born with her amazingly wonderful qualities.
Then she was gone.
And all I have are my memories and pictures and this song. And sometimes, as soon as I hear it, it just hits me. Hard.
I used to think that I never had the chance to tell her what she meant to me, but that's a crock of sh*t now, isn't it? I had plenty of chances. Every day is a chance to tell someone how much they mean to you.
So now I try. I try to let people know how much the mean to me. I usually end up looking like an idiot, but I'm ok with that. I don't care if they laugh at my feelings, at least they are known. Because I never want to let another person in my life go without knowing how I truly feel about them. Ever.
If you are reading this, just know that I appreciate you taking the time to read my words and process my sometimes completely random meaningless babble. It means a lot to me. And so do you.